As published in Irish America magazine
August / September 2012 p.54 - 56
The second installment in a new series
on inspiring Irish-American seniors.
Teresa “Terry” McLaughlin is doing something right. At 91,
she receives frequent reminders that she’s still a man magnet, but it would be
truer to say simply that she is magnetic; no qualifiers necessary. Maybe it’s
the subtle way she has of smiling. Maybe it’s that she radiates an aura of
inner peace and joy, as so many strangers-from-across-the-room have sworn to
her she does. Or, who knows, maybe it’s just that she dresses well. Whatever
the reason, this former professional dancer and current great-grandmother of
eight – like the earthy, golden hue she’s worn for her visit to Irish
America – is unassuming, but only at first.
Born on May 3, 1921, in the Bushwick section of Brooklyn to
Catholic parents, Terry Carl always had a confidence about her. The youngest of
five, she quickly took on the role of entertainer. “When I was a little girl,
they used to call me Tootsie,” she says, smiling. “I used to imitate Charlie
Chaplin, with my father’s derby. I’d come downstairs with the cane and
everything, make my mother laugh.” Her mother, Elizabeth Bridgette O’Connor,
encouraged her, paying for lessons in tap and Irish step dancing. Elizabeth had
distant roots stretching back to a town called Greysteel in Faughanvale, Co
Derry, where the O’Connor family once owned a pub and general store. “As a kid,
my mother had ideas of me going places,” Terry explains. But her mother wasn’t
the only one dreaming big – Terry, too, had her sights set high, only her goals
were a bit more specific. “I’m going to be a professional dancer and have ten
children,” she would tell her friends in Brooklyn. It turns out Terry wasn’t
imagining, so much as she was prophesying.
She auditioned for Earl Lindsay right out of high school,
and earned a spot in his review. At just 18 years old, Terry was living her
dream as a professional dancer,
performing at the Lotus Club in Washington, DC. For two years, she continued to
perform with Lindsay’s review. But during a visit home for rehearsals, she
discovered that her father, William, who worked for the Daily News, was sick
with worry about her. “He didn’t want to tell me. He wanted me to continue with
what I wanted to do,” she explains. “He used to call me his ‘pet.’ I was his
baby.” But after seeing what her being away was doing to him, Terry felt she
couldn’t in good conscience continue
with a lifestyle that would take her so far away from her family. She
traded in her career as a dancer for a job in bookkeeping at Grace Line (part
of W. R. Grace & Co). “I used to meet [Peter Grace] at the water machine on
the seventh floor!” she exclaims, then laughs, “Oh, I had a lot of fun.”
Terry was 25 when she and two of her friends, on their way
home from a bridal shower, stopped in at a local pub for a beer. There, an
embarrassing mishap involving inadequately labeled restroom doors resulted in a
chance meeting between Terry and Navy vet Vincent McLaughlin – whom she would
marry just six months later. He and his two friends joined the women for a
drink, and “There was just something about him, a kindness,” she says, to which
she was drawn. As fate would have it, Terry’s
friends paired off with, and also eventually married, Vincent’s
companions.
A widower with a three-year-old daughter, Vincent offered
Terry a considerably different life to the one she had been leading. Vincent
(whose great-uncle, Hugh McLaughlin, was a politician, and played an important
role in the creation of Prospect Park and the building of the Brooklyn Bridge)
was also from Brooklyn, and that’s where the newlyweds stayed for their first
several years of marriage. However, soon after the couple’s third child was
born, the McLaughlins, now with four young children, moved to a farm in
Waterford, Connecticut.
So, in her early 30’s, this fashionable young woman from
Brooklyn was raising young children in a country house with only cows and
chickens for company; the nearest neighbor over a mile away.
Like her mother, Terry encouraged her children to express
themselves creatively. Once a week, she and the kids would perform a Talent
Night for Vincent, who worked as a traveling salesman and was home only on
weekends.
How did she keep from going stir crazy? “Oh, I’d talk to the
hens!” she replies. Perhaps the real answer, then, is that she didn’t keep from
going stir crazy. “One morning, I went into the coop and saw an egg lying
there, and this hen was up walking around. I said, ‘Get over there, you’re
supposed to be sitting on that egg,’ and so help me, it went over – sat down on
the egg!” Terry chuckles, “I used to have more fun with them.”
In fact, there were so many hens on Vincent and Terry’s farm
that she decided to make a small side-business selling eggs. “I put up a sign
on the trellis, ‘60 cents a dozen.’ And I’d ask them to please bring back their
boxes, because you know, I didn’t have a lot of boxes. And they would. When my
husband came home, he was surprised.”
Suddenly Terry’s story begins to sound oddly familiar: Early
show business aspirations. Comical accidents. Living-room variety shows. A
young family from New York City moving to a farm in Connecticut. The mother scheming to sell eggs, her husband
in the dark about it. All this happened on I Love Lucy! And, hold on, didn’t
Lucy once dress up as Charlie Chaplin, too?
Terry concedes to a measure of resemblance between her own
life and that of a certain Lucille Esmeralda McGillicuddy Ricardo. Of course,
there are differences. Her husband was not from Cuba. And Terry, unlike the
fictional Lucy, came to confront a kind of adversity that would have felt very
much out of place on the light-hearted sitcom.
In 1960, the couple moved to a larger house in Merrick, Long Island, to
accommodate their growing family. But in 1964, just six months after their
tenth child was born, Vincent went into the hospital for an operation, and died
from an overdose of anesthesia. Suddenly a 42-year-old widow with ten children
to raise on her own, Terry found herself “in a daze.” For a year I couldn’t go
up to the bedroom. I slept on the couch. Never would I have made it without my
faith. I prayed, ‘I can’t do it alone,’” she reflects.“But, you know, no matter
how bad situations are, you get through them.”
Vincent died not long after President Kennedy was
assassinated, and Terry looked to Jackie Kennedy for strength and inspiration.
Terry made her bed every morning, and did her best to make sure all her
children were taken care of. As if the new economic strain was not enough of a
challenge, Terry also faced the overwhelming concern over how she could protect
her many children.
One afternoon, she was alone with just her youngest child
and one of her teenage sons who was sick with the flu when an intruder forced
his way into their home with a gun. The man told her to get on the floor, and
instead of complying, “I said, ‘No,’” she explains rather matter-of-factly.
“And I fought him, I fought him. I fought him because I had just lost my husband.
And what ran through my head was, ‘My children will be orphans.’ And I fought,
I just fought.”
Police told her she had done the right thing, that the man was not expecting her to
put up a struggle, and got frightened when she did. “My God, Terry,” her friend
and neighbor, Ed, said after reading about the incident, “I’d never fight a
gun.” To this day, she has no reply,
other than “I’m Irish.”
The few moments of peace Terry was able to enjoy during this period of
heartache and worry were found at a local pub called The Hearthstone, where she
would sometimes join friends to relax and dance for a couple of precious hours.
She eventually sold the Merrick house and moved to an
apartment in New Hyde Park, where she worked as a bank teller until she finally
retired and moved in with her daughter Teresa and her family in Florida. These
days, she spends about half the year visiting her other nine children
(Rosemary, Paul, Irene, Laura, Vincent, Kenneth, Christina, Virginia and
Richard), and along with them, her nineteen grandchildren and eight
great-grandchildren.
But, back to the story about selling eggs, I urge Terry.
Vincent was surprised, yes, but was he good-surprised, or was he
Ricky-Ricardo-surprised? She laughs again, “He was very happy!”
And, of course, he had every reason to be happy. Because if
Terry has only one actual thing in common with this ridiculous television
character to whom I insist on comparing her, it’s a similarly dogged refusal to
allow unfortunate circumstances, and life’s unrelenting unpredictability, to
ever diminish her optimism, or her ability to find humor in the moment.
Perhaps this is what people are picking up on when they find
themselves inexplicably drawn to her. “I think it’s because I love people,” she
muses, “and when you love something, it comes right back at you.”
I don’t know much about auras, but I’m inclined to say that
Terry’s is a warm constant glow. Less like sunshine, and more like the Sun
itself.